Why all the hate?

I love music and love sharing music with others. I especially love music when it is spinning at thirty-three and one third revolutions per minute. I love the sound. I love the ritual. I love the experience.

And finding others who share that love is amazing.

But, do you ever find yourself feeling down, disengaged or even angry while engaging with social media to connect with others over that love? Have you lost interest in the things that you once had passion for? I experience these things from time to time... and I have a good idea why.

I am the type of individual who prefers to share my love of something rather than my hate of things. At 47 years old, I find there isn't enough time or energy in this life to spend any amount of it on hate. Hating something is like burning down your own home because you saw a rat.

Hate is such a waste of energy.

See I define hate as the dictionary does; intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury. There is very few things in life that evoke hostility and aversion for me and music definitely isn't one of those things.

I love music. It is that simple.

I love almost all music. Some music I love more, some less. The music I don't love, I also don't hate. At no time has a band or their music done or said anything to spurn hostility and aversion in me. They haven't made false claims about me, they haven't robbed me, killed my wife or kids, slashed my tires or even dropped a deuce in my yard.

So why would I hate them or their music? And from my view of the world, how could any rational person truly "hate" any music, musician or band?

As I surf the perceptually endless sea of opinions on social media, I find more and more hypocrisy in the world of twitter and the plethora of "fan" pages on Facebook. People and groups of people that claim to be "fans", and "lovers" of things like music, comics, movies, sports... just about anything that a fandom can be based on, are more focused on the negative aspects of their passion than on their love of something.

It's almost like it's trendy or cool to be a hater.

Random Post on a "Fan" Page

It is very common to see a group on Facebook that has a description that states; "... a group for music lovers...", yet much of the content in the group will include postings and comments that resemble this image of an actual post in a Musuc "Lovers" group on the left. It's not just random posts like the one on the left; there are some nasty, hateful comments to otherwise positive posts.

I can understand someone not liking a particular band, or not liking the personal habits of a particular member of a band, but to take the time it takes and spend the energy it takes to spread this hate is something I don't understand at all. A fan page, by definition, is supposed to be about the things you love. So if this is a fan page, why post hate or allow hate to be posted?

I don't get it.

But it is more than just posts and comments, some people carry their hate much further, going so far as to make social media accounts and groups dedicated to what they hate and they actually draw other like minded people in, like this person in a  Facebook group titled, " I hate the Red Hot Chili Peppers because they just Suck!"

Negativity Attracts Negativity

Now, this writing isn't just about all the negativity out there. I am here to share my strategy for dealing with the hate or more importantly, eliminating the hate.

Please, don't get me wrong, I am not some Dudley-Do-Right-Polyanna of person who only sees the silver lining in the world. I am a human being. But when it comes to my interactions with the world around me, I want to spread light. I want people, either in real life or via social media to leave an interaction with me feeling good about the interaction, and typically I want to leave feeling the same way, because what's the point of living in a negative space.

So how do I do it? How do I avoid the negativity it in the world of social media. Well, to be honest, I don't.

First and foremost... you can't avoid all the negativity on social media. It is that simple. If you are on social media, you can't avoid the negativity altogether, but you can minimize it by choosing to limit your exposure to it and you can choose how you deal with it.

My first hard and fast rule is to not engage with the negativity. I firmly believe the best way to let go of something that is not good for you is to just simply stop participating in its energy altogether. This can be difficult, because the act of denying or defending something actually affirms it because the act itself puts energy into it.

So when I come across a negative post or comment, I do not respond. I won't even put a positive response because any response, even a positive response is putting energy into the negativity.

The saying, "Don't Feed The Troll", while funny, it is also true is actually a pretty good rule to abide by.

One of my key strategies is I limit my contacts in the world of social media to people I have relationships with in real life; people I share common interests with and actually hang out with; again in real life. This doesn't mean I only hang out with people that all see the world through the same lens I do. I am not a lemming. My friends constantly challenge my view of the world, but they are not negative people.

I have friends who are into photography, some friends that are into comics, some that are into horror movies and some that are into collecting records. Hell, some are even into all of the above, but in total, I have a whopping 62 friends on Facebook.

And, I am a happier person for it.

This has been a difficult strategy to apply at times. As a person who has helped run state fair photography competition, managed a huge photography club, taught photography classes, hosted a weekly podcast about geek culture, had booths at comic cons, interviewed celebrities and (even made friends with some of them) and the various other world opening adventures, it is not a stretch of the truth to say that I have had thousands of friend requests across social media, most of which were complete strangers to me.

But, the key has been to decline all but 0.00000001% of them.

See just because I went to the same high school as someone, or attended the same comic con as someone or because they listened to me on the radio once or just because we both love the Popeye Movie Soundtrack doesn't grant them instant access to my life. Hell, I have been working with the same people for the last three years and I have not had any of my co-workers over for dinner. My co-workers aren't even friends on social media. So why would allow a complete stranger or even a casual acquaintance that level of access to my life?

This is just one way I keep the riff-raff out.

Another key element of my strategy is to investigate before I engage. When I join a new group, I read the postings and the comments to the postings in a group before I make any post beyond my obligatory "Thanks for the add" post.

I am looking at the general atmosphere of a group. Are people generally sharing information and insight? When people disagree, are they stating opinion and preference or are they putting down the opinions that don't align with their own; trolling.

I am also looking at how the admins moderate the discussions. Are they hard handed sensors, or are the facilitating positive conversations and debate. Are they moderating the discussions, keeping them related to subject of the group? A good admin or cluster of admins in a group can make all the difference.

Group of people, in real life or on social media all work the exact same way; the larger the group the bigger the chance that they won't all agree on everything or get along all the time. And that is fine. We don't all have to agree that Van Hagar was the biggest mistake in music history, but we can be civil in our stated opinions.

Just because a few individuals in a group are bad eggs, I won't let them spoil an otherwise great group for me. So the last key element of my strategy is a liberal use of the Block feature of a social media site. My Facebook account has a countless number of blocked individuals.

These people on my block list are not people I hate on social media, just people that are typically negative in their postings and interactions and as a result people I choose to eliminate from social media life.

This is a powerful way for me to remain engaged with a group without seeing the negative posts of these individuals or being at risk of them chiming in one something I share.

I love music and love sharing music with others. These are the strategies I used to protect myself so I can continue to do so.